What I Wish People Knew Before Starting Therapy
I love the attention that therapy is getting right now- even the criticisms (bad publicity is still publicity, right?). We are moving towards normalizing mental health support and being honest about our mental health struggles.
Our society is heavily influenced by social media right now, including the narratives about therapy. Some influencers sing praises of the benefits of therapy; others are therapy’s biggest critics.
Social media has a way of polarizing topics- mental health isn’t an exception.
Here are some things I wish people knew about starting therapy, from a therapist that has her own therapist:
Finding a therapist you connect with is one of the most important aspects of therapy.
It’s kind of like shopping for a pair of jeans- You might have an idea of the style you want, what you think will work for you, and how you think the process might go. Like jeans, not all styles (therapists) fit the same. It can be a daunting and draining task to just get going on the process, to search, try them out, and for them to not be a good fit. Back out you go- frustrated, discouraged, and tired. Sometimes you just want to give up and save the task for another day. But you know you need those jeans (therapy) as soon as possible. Sometimes you get lucky and the first one you try out is a great fit. Sometimes it might take a few tries to find the right fit.
Therapy and healing can be heavy
It’s important that you have a therapist that is providing you with tools for sitting with and managing that heaviness outside of session. AND, not every therapy session will feel heavy. Some sessions may not feel like much “work” is being done but having a place you can talk about your wins, share about your hobbies, and talk about your favorite ways to spend your time is doing the work. The relationship you have with your therapist might be one of the few relationships that help you feel truly cared about, that is important work.
Unlike how the movies make it seem, the big “AHA!” moments don’t happen all the time
It’s often small, subtle changes in how you respond, how you talk to yourself, and how you take care of yourself that show that therapy is working for you. You might cry early in the process, or it might take a while to feel comfortable enough to let your emotions show. Trust and safety are needed for healing to happen. If you have been stuck in survival mode, never have been able to talk about your emotions and needs, or struggle to find the words for what’s going on, the process might be slower- much slower- than you would like it to be.
Healing can be lonely
The heavy protective fog that was there for so long won’t last forever. The fog will drift away, and you will start to see clearer. Your loved ones, family, and people around you still might only see the fog. They may not see the same things you see, especially when it comes to your growth. You needs and wants might change, you’re communicating more, you’re setting healthier boundaries, and the people around you may not like it. It doesn’t mean you are doing anything wrong. But it can be an extremely frustrating and lonely part of healing.
Change takes patience and time- sometimes a lot of it.
You have the awareness, you have the tools, and you have more confidence to make changes, but it still feels overwhelming. Because it is. Healing is an ongoing process that will continue throughout your life. It can be exhausting to maintain those boundaries you set. It can bring up grief you didn’t know you had. Your anger might feel stronger than it has ever felt before. Therapy challenges the beliefs and familiarity you experienced for much of your life before, during the tough times your brain will try to bring you back to what it knew for so long. Healing is not linear. You might feel like progress is being made one week, then the next feel like you’ve taken two steps back. You aren’t broken. You are human. Give yourself grace during the therapy process. Change takes time.
Your therapist things about you even after therapy has ended
I think about my clients, even after we stopped working together. I often wonder if my client had their baby, if they enjoyed the trips they dreamed about taking, if they got the job they had been working towards, and even if they enjoyed the scary movie that just came out. I put my heart into my work and care deeply about each of my clients. The care doesn’t end once therapy stops. Because of the nature of the therapeutic relationship, I won’t be able to send a check-in email, follow you on social media, or say “hi” to you first if I see you out in public. This might seem like I don’t care about you, but this is about respecting your privacy and boundaries. You are more than welcome to provide little updates or say “hi” if we bump into each other, if you feel comfortable to do so.
There’s so much more I could add, but these are just a few things that can be helpful to know when starting the therapy process. Some of these things might make you nervous to start, but I will be here to help you through it. Send me a message or give me a call when you’re ready to start your healing journey.